Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Bursting Bubbles

16th of April has come and gone. Nothing big happened; no fireworks, no big bang, no parties and thankfully no disaster happened. In fact; to many, me including, it is just like any other day. I toed my line over to the second decade last year and I reached the first year of my second decade on earth last Friday. 21 years ago, I was born and 21 years now I am still breathing.

Birthdays are never a big event for me nor for my family. I never did understand what all the big fuss was about. I hate attentions and I really don't think there's anything happy about birthdays. Birthdays has always reminded me of disappointment, lost hope and an end. 16 came and nothing was sweet about it. 21 is here but nothing is exciting about it. The only difference today compared to a few weeks ago is only an addition to a number and a license to vote. 

Someone wished me a good birthday and hope that I could chink off my cynicism. I'm sorry. I don't think I can manage that. I had to grow up early when I was young and cynicism comes with age. It can only grow and not die with age. 

On a happier note....this semester is about to end and no one is happier than me about it. This whole semester has been tiring. Busy with assignments, busy with exams, busy every moment of my life with something else altogether. Are those really excuses? Because sometimes I feel like they do not mean a thing and if I really want to and try really hard I could make time for myself. Only thing is, I am not trying hard enough and somewhere along the line I've given up trying.

I started out with Science and my first year in Arts is almost over. Looking back I am still not sure whether if I had made a correct choice. I still feel wistful when I think of my friends continuing on their journey but I am at the same time happy with what I am doing right now. Sure, Science was fun and frustrating most of the time but English is easier and not as relaxing as I thought. If only I could get the best of both world. 

It will be my second year next semester. Thinking about it is making me feel exhilarated and happy because for once I am getting the results I am hoping for. I don't feel that suffocating feeling I had anymore. I no longer dread entering the exam hall knowing that I might not be happy with what I have done. The only wish I made on my birthday is to promise myself to try it again one day when I am wiser. Next time, I will definitely not give up. Until then, I want to feel happy for a moment and not worry about tomorrow. 


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